Ok i figure i would write another entry on this so her goes:
Yes, im still Bryan. I wonder sometimes what is life? Why are we here? and, whats the point of "making a difference?" I am a history major and im thinking of minoring in philosiphy just so i can get a bearing on what is me. Some time i fear that my decision will not matter in this life or next ..if there is a next. I'm stuck feeling dissapointment after great leaps and bounds. I'm not depressed just confused. hmm Why? If there is a god and he does know all does me failing actually make me succede? or can i change my future before its realized. weird. were we made or did we come about? when does it end? With death? or will we live on as other creatures in a different time or place? what is time? sometimes it seams like time is a living creature grown within itself. is travel through this said time capible? or would it just kill time right there and then. what is the need for companionship? how is it possible to call so many people friend but still be lonely? grr. why am i lonely? always surounded by people who enjoy your company as do you their's. I would rather be a man with only a soul mate than a man with 50 best friends. I have all these good people to talk to yet no one to in fact talk to. does anyone understand this? i feel that i can't spill my heart to anyone. i just bottle till one day i will explode. i wish people to know this about me. I'm not the dick i come off to be. i just dont know what to do. some have a god to turn to. i don't. some have kin to turn to. i don't. what am i to do if your reading this telling your self thats sad then your wrong. its not sad. if your telling yourself he can talk to me. I can't. I feel i have been living a lie. Not myself, am i sick? I feel i have the college bug changed who i am, who i wanted to be. I myself dont like that person. It was better back then. me in my room only one person to talk to. it was great. i want that back. i cant have it. not possible. the hole has been dug to deep and i can get out. i am this new person. stuck in a body i dont like. what happened. in so little time i have changed so much. you say it has been for the better. i say for the worse. what can i do really. just let myself be eaten by this person without a soul. i can change back but its like an addiction. I say i dont like it. But in fact i can get enough of it. LIFE according to me. is a blood sucking curse handed down by time herself the real god people try to worship. hmm kinda silly but think it sounds appealing. Time=God god knows all. Well look at timeits seen the beggining we refer to the creation as the begining of time. time sees everythin knows everything maybe be before we even know time is bigger than all of us. controls all. you cant get out of it. time drives us mad. think about this. sleep on it. are we captives of this demon of time..... we will never know